I could make wine with my vomit
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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