Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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