haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
