Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
