After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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