three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
