I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
