her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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