On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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