You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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