Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
