I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
