yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
