Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
there is puke in my bra ... again
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
