she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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