So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize