I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
