i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
