I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
