yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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