Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize