I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
