In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
