I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
