I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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