WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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