Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
