so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
