You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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