so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
