He asked to "fluff my boner.."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
