mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
