I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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