You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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