i just wanna soil my oats bro
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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