He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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