bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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