I look better un-naked...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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