He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
