YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize