Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
