New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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