i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
