Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
