i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
