farters have to be the big spoon...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
