Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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