And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
