Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
