well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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