Just cropdusted the office
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish life had little blips of pornography
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pants are for mortals
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
