i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just google imaged poop.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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