Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
