What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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