So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
