Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
