for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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