just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need to sanitize my soul.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
