Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
