The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
