My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
