he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
